The Relentless Struggle of Depression: A Personal Journey and Tools for Overcoming It

One of the fiercest battles within a person’s conflicted inner world is the fight against depression. Three months ago, when I moved to Poland to pursue a degree in clinical psychology, I faced this battle head-on and came out the other side with valuable insights. I’d like to share my methods and reflections on the process. First, I’ll explore why we feel this loneliness and why, in our quest for being, we sometimes doubt ourselves.

Human life is encapsulated in three words: birth, growth, and death. But the immense journey of life teeters on a delicate line within these three words. Every day, we are reborn; every day, parts of us die. Balancing the beauty of daily life with the philosophical conflicts that our minds generate is part of this cycle—part of the story of “becoming.” Do we chart our own course, unfurling our sails to the world, or do we spend our lives working on someone else’s ship? Will we discover why we came into this world? Is it to help others, create art, engage in philosophy? Or is it to build a family? Until we find where the fire within us wants to lead, we continue burning ourselves in search of answers.

My own struggle began to resolve when I accepted the idea of shaping myself, embracing the uniqueness of my experience, and realizing it couldn’t fully be shared or explained to anyone else. Making peace with loneliness might seem logical and straightforward, but in practice, we all have ways to escape it—methods we use to feel lovable and to love. Interestingly, some of these methods become traits that make us endearing and capable of forming deep connections.

The Desire for Love: A Basic Human Need

Why do we want to be loved? Beyond the healing power of love and its status as perhaps the most beautiful part of the human experience, love fulfills our need for safety. From the moment we are born, we rely on others’ love to survive. Our mothers keep an unyielding watch over us, and our families become a cocoon of care. This nurturing environment ensures the survival of the newborn. As we grow and become more independent, we no longer need that level of protection. However, the foundations laid during this golden period of infancy deeply influence our lives, shaping how we interact with the world as adults.

If you’ve struggled to adapt along the way, know that you’re not alone. Balancing simple daily tasks like cooking, taking care of our minds and bodies, and nurturing relationships requires developing routines. Simultaneously, we must write the story of our lives, adding new chapters each day. This requires tending to the flame within us, making choices that fan it into something extraordinary.

Life demands that we do these things without waiting for external help. For me, it all boiled down to a simple decision: recognizing and using my own power. No magical hand would lift me from my darkness, no friend or partner would heal all my wounds, and my mother could no longer lead me by the hand. I discovered that everyone must climb their personal summit—a solitary journey where each of us must become our own parent.

When I embraced my journey, incredible moments of clarity emerged. Suddenly, I saw everyone around me as more authentic—each person uniquely themselves. This feeling of love for all things, coupled with the perception that the world itself was smiling back, was transformative. Even my desk seemed to radiate an unusual brilliance. These moments of “enlightenment” felt like brief resting points on my journey toward becoming myself.

Choosing to Change: A Turning Point

What caused these moments? Was it really just me? After all, the outside world hadn’t changed. These special moments came down to one thing: I realized I had a choice.

I was free to choose actions that would either keep me in misery or elevate me. Like many people my age, I used to seek shortcuts to happiness, mistaking fleeting pleasures for true fulfillment. For example, binge-watching shows or indulging in sugary treats provided temporary highs but led to dissatisfaction later. In contrast, enduring a bit of discomfort and effort led to more lasting contentment.

During my “enlightenment” moments, I noticed this shift in perspective. I felt less drawn to quick fixes and prioritized tasks that required effort but offered more enduring rewards. For instance, I chose to sit down and study, even if the topic didn’t initially captivate me. Over time, my interest grew, and progress became its own source of joy. The satisfaction of small victories imbued every part of my life with meaning, making even simple pleasures like a piece of chocolate or a cup of coffee feel extraordinary.

What Does It Mean to Love Yourself?

We often hear phrases like “love yourself” or “be at peace with yourself.” But what does self-love truly mean? It’s not about standing in front of a mirror and gushing over your reflection. Self-love, I believe, is a natural outcome of engaging in actions that honor your needs and aspirations. Ignoring the whispers of your inner fire—the ones urging you toward a richer life—makes genuine self-love impossible.

When you love yourself, your capacity to love others grows. Love is expansive; it overflows. When you’re running on empty, you might think you love others, but true love requires a full heart. Self-love requires action, decisions, and a commitment to growth.

Practical Steps for Overcoming Dark Moments

Here are the practices I rely on to emerge from dark times and reconnect with myself:

• Meditation:
  Taking time to observe my breath and sensations grounds me in the present moment. I try to meditate for 30–60 minutes before bed, and the mornings after are always brighter.
• Walking:
  When negative emotions persist, stepping outside can feel daunting. But choosing to do so anyway can break the cycle of repetitive thoughts. Observing people, animals, or nature often shifts my focus outward and lightens my mood.
• Exercise:
  Moving your body is a universal remedy. Whether it’s hitting the gym, dancing, or climbing, physical activity lifts the weight of inertia and invigorates the mind.
• Social Activities:
  Nurture your relationships. Invite a friend for coffee, or join them for a shared activity. While solitude is valuable, too much isolation can harm mental health.
• Cleaning:
  Tidying your space can symbolize respect for yourself and your work. Starting with a clean slate often boosts productivity and clarity.
• Reading:
  Books are like a hand reaching out from the past, reminding you of our shared human experience. Delving into a novel or philosophical work often provides solace and perspective.
• Helping Others:
  Offering help—whether to an animal, a child, or a stranger—creates space within for gratitude and humility.
• Seeking Help:
  Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether from a friend, a professional, or even a good book. A fresh perspective can illuminate solutions you hadn’t considered. If you are willing to work with me click this link.

Loving yourself and life itself requires effort, commitment, and presence. By taking deliberate steps, you can transform your inner world and, in turn, how you perceive the outer one.